Thursdays Child has a break down or break through

I find it interesting that when I was 16 maybe even 17 that I swore to anyone that would listen, I would NEVER have kids. Christy World had been full of disappointments and longings for things that I never had, acceptance, family, confidence, etc. Being that I am a former PK (AKA Preachers Kid) I was continually under community scrutiny - or so I was told, and I felt that life was more don'ts than dos. Why in heavens name would I expose children to that.

So what happened that changed my mind...Well, then I found the love of my life and the motherly instincts kick in and you want to continue the species. Well actually, that isn't the entire story, but you get the gist.

Back to my point...well, I have been having a particularly difficult couple of weeks, my temper has gotten the best of me, and I seem to absolutely hate everyone, everything in my life; I just can't seem to get it together. I don't even want to be looked at - I am like a dog in a manger. I want you to be nice to me, but I don't want to have to be nice back....it is getting tiring to live this way. The toll is heavy on me, Corey, but especially hard on the kids. Their Mom has turned into something that rivals any monster in the closet at night. I get after them for fighting, yelling, pushing, shoving and any number of other sins, but what is Mom doing.... the very same stuff - or worse 'cause I found that I also have a bad case of what my friend April calls "potty mouth". Potty mouth just seems, at the time when nothing else seem right in the moment to make just the exclamation you are looking for - until it gets repeated!!! Now, while I keep away from those disgusting four-letter words, even the lighter ones like "shut-up", etc don't sound very nice coming out of the mouth of my 3 year old.

This is where the break-through comes about. We have recently started doing a family devotion at the supper table. We have been enjoying it, I felt it would be good for the kids to learn more about Jesus together. Little did I know that I would probably learn more than they. The devotional was based on Galatians 6:7 "Do not be fooled: You cannot cheat God. A person only harvests what he plants." If you want your life to be truly good, you have to plant the seeds of Godly words, Godly thoughts and Godly actions.

That certainly meant more to me than the kids could have ever guessed. But, once you sink into the sin of anger and temper, It is hard to get out on your own. You have to be willing to give it over to God, but as we talked about in Bible Study, last week, you have to also be willing to do something while you are waiting to God to answer your prayers. I would ask for your prayers in this...sometimes it is hard to admit that you struggle with sin, but sometimes you have be brought to your knees before you can get up and run.

The Lord certainly know how to get His point across when you need it though. I hope that if you are reading this you will be interested to know that I am making my first public singing appearance since the birth of my third child - Elizabeth, this coming Tuesday at the Pre-Easter services in Ashmore. They start at 7pm Tuesday thru Friday and our illustrious Pastor Brian is having the message on Tuesday - so come out and join us!!

God bless you!!